Negative Types of Women

Months ago I warned you all about what types of men to avoid sleeping with. I promised you guys I would write about what types of women to avoid waking up next to but then I got distracted by, you know, men. Anyway, this is me dipping my feet back into the blogging pool with a short blog about women you don't want to date. I'll get to the women to avoid waking up with another day (as well as a list of men you shouldn't date and more sex stories). Besides, I can't label guys and not chicks as well, so take this offering.

1. The Clinger
This one doesn't really need any examples. I have some friends who shall remain nameless but are perfect examples. This chick hates tennis but goes to matches with her boyfriend all of the time. She hates country music but has suddenly been a fan of it for years. You know the type.

2. The Investigator

It seems cute at first. She sends the "what are you up to" text a couple of times, she calls you after she's had dinner to talk about your day and see what you are doing; you know, normal stuff when you are dating. However, the texts start becoming more frequent. It feels like you just got done telling her that you were starting a project for work when she texts you an hour later to see what you are doing now. She does not believe you are working on that project, dude. The phone calls start coming far more frequently, and when you don't answer there is hell to pay. This chick should come with a warning sign (and some extra cash since you are going to need a new cell plan).

3. The Gossip

Sure, everyone loves to gossip. The entertainment section of newspapers have gained popularity to the extreme in this day and age. We are taught that gossiping is a normal part of interaction with others. However, this chick brings a whole other level out to the definition of gossip. At this point everyone knows that women discuss sex with friends more than men do. Are you comfortable with your woman telling her friends that you actually did the ABC's while performing oral (much to their delight - ie scorn)? I didn't think so. Don't even get me started on what she thinks is appropriate to tell your little sisters.

4. The Collector

You think I'm talking about a woman who collects trinkets now, don't you? No. I am talking about the woman who remembers every little thing you ever did wrong. Remember that time you told her that her dress was a little too snug - five years ago? Well, you may not but she does! She'll even tell you where you were heading to dinner. The collector doesn't care that you had great makeup sex to make up for the fact that you were an idiot that night. In fact, she will list every thing you ever did wrong in the five years since. Honey, just because you forgot something doesn't mean she did - or ever will. One of my best friends is a collector and let me tell you, if we ever argue, she automatically wins. Don't ever argue with a collector. Save your breath and buy her a drink.

5. Daddy Issues

This one is my personal favorite because it's something I actually get. My friends and I will have daddy issues contests and I almost always win, hands down. So, if I tell you that your girl has daddy issues and to run, your girl has daddy issues and you better run. The person that can spot a DI chick from afar is none other than a fellow DI'er herself. Now, it's Father's Day. Don't you fucking dare ask that chick what she got for her dad. Just don't. Unless, of course, you want her to break up with you or to be in the dog house for a while. This chick either clings to you right away and will never leave your side or you can feel the distance between you even when you are together. Either way, you should probably wait until her daddy issues are resolved for the most part.

6. The Commitment Phobe

I know so many women who say that they are afraid of commitment and are in long term relationships. Because of this, I have decided that there are two types of commitment phobes, and these chicks, they are the worst. The first type is the heartbreaker. She will date you for a couple of weeks, maybe two or three months, and then forget your name. This type of commitment phobe is actually the least harmful because you haven't had the chance to fall in love with her. 

The second type is Satan, and the type that we can easily compare to the type of man who will date a woman for six years all the while knowing he'll never marry her. Now, I can't give guys like that shit and not do the same to the women who are this way. I think that a man who dates a woman for more than two years and knows full well that he never wants to marry her and have kids with her is one of the worst people in the world. What a fucking idiot. He can still have kids when he's 70. He can be like Charlie Fucking Chaplin for all I care. But us? Come on now. There is a reason women's sex lives flourish in their thirties. It's because time is not our friend. This is also a key reason why conversations are important. I mean, how will you know if someone is content living with you and not marrying you unless you talk about it? Then again, what do I know, I'm the first type of commitment phobe (remember, I'm the nicer one!).