By: Faith
I was seventeen years old when I gave my first blow job. The unlucky guy was the only person I went on dates with in high school. On a side note, I wasn't allowed to date until I was seventeen, and then after dating this guy I decided that dating sucked and I would rather wait until I didn't have to introduce guys to my mom's ignoramus husband anymore. I was aware that this meant I wouldn't go on another date for at least a year but I could not have cared less.
The guy was (and still is) genuinely nice and I consider myself lucky that he was my first real boyfriend. Looking back, I could have done a lot worse than date someone whose biggest fault was playing Limp Bizkit's cover of "Faith" on our first date. For the record, that will not get any man laid by me. The classy lady in me prefers to hear Marilyn Manson's cover of "Personal Jesus" before I get down and dirty. Whatever.
I'm going to call this guy LunchBox as a way to protect his identity. I don't know why I am bothering to do so since he told everyone the next day at lunch. *Sigh* That's a teenage guy for you.
LunchBox and I would exchange car kisses. I didn't like car kisses because they stressed me out. First of all, people could see me kissing him. Second, what if the light turned green? It was so stressful! I mean, I was still praying to Jesus every night, touching my no-no when no one was home while praying Jesus couldn't see me, and saving myself for marriage, so you can't really fault me for being stressed out with car kisses. Also, on a side note, is it any wonder I am agnostic now? Ha!
One night LunchBox and I were making out at his place when he put my hand where hands were not supposed to go. "Whoa! I don't know if I'm ready for this!" "Please," he pleaded. "Can't you kiss it?" "Uh, I am not letting that thing touch my lips," I exclaimed. LunchBox was understandably bummed by this. I explained how I learned that STD's can be passed through oral sex and that our health teacher freshman year had said that safe oral sex meant using condoms. LunchBox told me that all of our friends were doing it and he actually did a great job of letting me know that there were strawberry flavored condoms out in the world ( I LOVE strawberries). My mind was blown. "Okay," I decided. "I'll give you a blowjob but only if you wear a strawberry flavored condom." I knew Jesus would be proud of me. I mean, I waited until I was seventeen to give a blowjob. No teenager waits these days! Not only that but I figured that he was my boyfriend so I might as well get my first bj out of the way with him.
The day arrived when LunchBox was going to get a blowjob. I bet he was counting down the seconds that day. I know for a fact that I was not. Man, I really was not looking forward to doing that. We made out on his bed for a while before he showed me the condom and put it on. I laugh about it now because it was the most awful, awkward bj I have ever given in my life. I literally thought you were supposed to blow on the penis! I mean, why else would they call it a blowjob? Just so you all have this straight, I was looking at his penis in a different light than I had any other time before. I was scared of his penis. I remember wondering how I could possibly fit something that big into my mouth. I asked him if it was circumcised. I recall blowing on it and him being all, "hey, uhhh, why aren't you licking it more and sticking it in your mouth." It was truly a great learning experience and I love that it was really awkward and included a strawberry flavored condom.
By the way, strawberry condoms taste like shit. The real thing tastes better.
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