Rewind

I kind of want to break away from writing about only sex since Amber isn't writing anything right now. I mean, I'm all for sharing slutty stories but it kinda sucks not having a partner in crime. I mean, why masturbate when you can have mindblowing sex with an amazing partner, amiright? Anyway, I thought I would do the next best thing which is share stories about another way of being bad. You see, I was never kicked out of a class nor a group, but I have been kicked out of many places for intoxication. I know, it's quite shocking. Anyway, here are my top three favorite kicked out stories.


1. The Abbey
Sundowner was playing. Do you guys know how awesome Sundowner is? Anyway, it was my first time meeting Rafa, a skinny gay man, who was one of my roommates friends. A group of us headed down to The Abbey to see Sundowner play and I decided that it was a great time to start drinking triple Jack & Coke's. Mmm. Triple Jack & Coke's were something an ex-boyfriend introduced me to, and let me tell you, I was a fan.

There I was, dancing, probably on my third triple of the night, when I managed to get a group of girls to yell "Chris, take off your shirt!" Seriously, I have some sort of magical power or something because when I am drunk I can get anyone to do anything I want (probably because they just want me to shut up). Well, did you guys know that you can get in trouble for causing a disturbance? You guys are probably like, there is nothing sexual about that! Well, let me enlighten you. The night ended with me peeing on random lawns and making out with poor Rafa, who was like, "ewwww, girl kisses!" It was magical.

2. The Hunt Club 
My roommate at the time and I went out one night for Girl Scout martinis. The Hunt Club has, hands down, the best ones (unless of course I make it). We sat at the bar and ended up talking to some guy who decided to play a drinking game with us. He was a bounty hunter so my friend and I were game because, well, it is one of those professions that is so interesting it has its own reality show. I forget what we were playing but I do remember that naming countries were involved. After too many shot of Jagermeister I knew something was wrong. I ran to the bathroom, got kicked out of the bar, and later was brought home by the cops. It's cool though, my friend made out with a Rick Moranis look-a-like when I disappeared and I woke up with vomit in my hair, so I guess there is always that. Oh yeah, I ended up getting kicked out of there again a year later. Apparently I am memorable.

3. The Bally 
Everyone in Terre Haute gets kicked out of The Bally at some point, I am sure. However, I am counting this as getting kicked out even though it was actually a friend of mine carrying me out. I was out with friends drinking and ran into my friend Meaghan who was at the Bally, Terre Haute's lameass version of a popular bar, celebrating her birthday. I was already drunk and Meaghan pointed out that because of Colt's training camp being in town, Peyton Manning was at the bar. She had just turned 21 and said that it would make her day if he would buy her a shot. I made my way up to the bar and told him it was her birthday and asked if he would like to get her a shot, to which he responded by having someone shove me. Nice going, Peyton, you douche bag.

I proceeded to stand on a table at a booth and shout "Peyton Manning is an asshole!" It just so happened that there was a lull between songs so the bar heard me and I had a flashlight shown in my face. The next thing I know one of my friends was carrying me out of the bar fireman style, telling me that I'm not getting us kicked out of there again. It wouldn't be the first time he had to carry me out of a place. Also, congratulations on your retirement (if it is true), you chode. And yes, I am aware that if I were famous it would be annoying to have drunk girls approach me asking for me to buy their friends birthday shots.


If any of you have anything exciting about dating, sex, or relationships that you would love to share, please send it to me and if I think it is funny then I'll post it. If not, then I'll post something slutty of my own, promise.